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APOLOGIES TO THE SACRED MASCULINE (The letter this warrior-in-transition would like to receive)

APOLOGIES TO THE SACRED MASCULINE (The letter this warrior-in-transition would like to receive)

I apologize for those moments when I couldn’t see beyond my projections to your true nature. With so much relational trauma in the rear view mirror, I couldn’t distinguish the heartless from the benevolent warrior. With my lens blurred by unhealed emotions, I was unable to see you in your wholeness. I unknowingly projected my negative expectations without recognizing those moments when you were moving from love. Please forgive me my projections, and know that below my pain was a heart that genuinely longed to merge with yours.

I apologize for pushing you to open your heart when you weren’t ready. I longed to be met in my openness, and I couldn’t bear the disconnect between us. I am nourished by direct communication, and I took your silence personally. I didn’t understand the relationship between your detachment and your warrior conditioning. I do see this now. From the beginning, you have been cast in the role of warrior protector and your emotional armour was fundamental to your task. Without it, you would not have been able to remain vigilant on the battlefield, nor succeed in the competitive marketplace. As our world moves away from survivalism as a way of being, I am hopeful that you will feel safe enough to live from an open heart. Such beautiful light comes through that opening.

I apologize for not always seeing your limitations and struggles. There were times when I could not see past my expectations and fantasies. I had grown up with a fairy tale of a great knight that would save me, and I clung to that vision, preferring the perfection projection to the reality of humanness. As a result, I didn’t always see how much stress you carried, how difficult things were, how hard it was to hold it all together. Of course, we perpetuated the projection together- you hid your humanness from view while I chose not to look for it. I look forward to the day when our relationships are not predicated on illusions, but on a deep recognition of each other’s authenticity.

I apologize for giving you mixed messages about how I wanted you to manifest. At times, I wanted you to be soft and tender. At other times, dominant and protective. How confusing this must have been for you, how challenging to go back and forth between such differing feeling states. It has been so confusing for all of us, trying to straddle the line between our needs for both safety and vulnerability. One day, the perversions of polarity will fall away and we will arrive at a sacred balance between all healthy ways of being. Women will feel safe to assert their voice and embody their wholeness, and men will feel equally safe disarming and speaking from their vulnerability. On the rivers of essence, everything flows in the same direction- towards the ocean of wholeness.

I apologize for being passive aggressive towards you. I was not taught to express anger directly, and I was frightened of your aggressiveness. I know that you have had similar challenges with experiencing your sadness and releasing your tears. In the world we are moving towards, I am hopeful that both genders will have seamless access to all emotional states and healthy forms of expression.

I am sorry that I expected you to fill my emptiness, when the only one who can fill it is me. I have often looked for answers in relationship, somehow imagining that another could complete me. After so many centuries of disempowerment, I didn’t realize that I had the tools for my own self-creation. But I am recognizing it now. Where before we met as two fragmented beings, we will soon meet as two whole beings- each of us healthily boundaried, well-integrated and intrinsically complete. Two soulitudes.

I am grateful for all those moments when you held me safe and operated within the heart of compassion. The backlash of recent decades was a necessary response to generations of suffering, but many of your contributions got lost in the shuffle. In my efforts to find my voice and stand my ground, I have not always given credit where it is due. I encourage you to re-claim anything you have lost along the way, and to proudly embody the sacred masculine as you once did. I apologize for those moments when I discouraged your power. I could not distinguish it from its historical misuses.

I am grateful for the many positive contributions you have made to my reality. I realize that you often communicated your love for me and the village with deeds, not words. I thank you for helping to construct the structures that my expansion relies upon. I thank you for labouring long and hard to establish rule of law. I honour the warrior spirit that built the railroads, the cities, the bridges that bring us into contact with one another. I honour those warriors who fought and died on battlefields in an effort to protect us. You have sacrificed so much in order to hold us safe. Praise to those benevolent warriors who came before.

I am grateful for GrandFather, for holding the space for my expansion with patience and wisdom. I am grateful for Father, for defending and sheltering me. I am grateful for Father Sky, for showing me a vision of possibility that transcended my circumstances. I am grateful for the Divine Father, the real Father of us all. I now feel his divine presence, so close. Fiercely compassionate, he was always right here, holding me safe.

There has been so much blame between us, so much hatred and name-calling. To be sure, it is essential that we express our anger and heal our hearts. Nothing should be swept under the rug in that process, everything should be exposed. But it is also important that we have compassion for each other and endeavour to understand the context for our actions. We have all been victims of a sociological landscape that impacted on our identifications and behaviours. Like two different species in the same bed, we were compelled by circumstances to inhabit roles that kept us miles apart. Those roles have caused us great suffering, each gender suffering in its own way. To the extent that one gender was denied wholeness, the other was denied it as well. Women were denied the right to basic protections and pathways of expression, men were denied access to a tender, receptive way of being. No one got off easy, despite appearances.

As we move towards a more enheartened interface, may we create space for new visions of possibility. We must begin the process by healing the genderation gap that exists between us. We must soften the edges perpetuated by our reactivities. We must heal the rifts along the gender continuum that keep us apart. In my most clarified imaginings, I envision a world that fully celebrates the healthy feminine and the healthy masculine. Instead of throwing all gender differences out with the bath water, we make a conscious distinction between benevolent and destructive identifications. We craft a sacred balance of our healthiest aspects. Each of us identifies the unique fusion of feminine and masculine energies that aligns with our essential nature. And we openly learn from one another -men teach healthy manifestation, women teach healthy womanifestation- and we come to humanifestation together. We meet each other in our entirety.

May we never forget the relational and co-transformative nature of human expansion. Although the ultimate romance is with your own soul, it is our experiences together that give birth to the essential lessons. We are each here to participate in this dance of sacred imagination, stepping on each other’s toes and turning each other toward God one clumsy step after another. We trip, and then we get back up with greater awareness. With this in heart, I am hopeful that we can learn to accept one another in our humanness. We are going to continue to make mistakes, but there is grace in that if we see our errors through to the lessons they contain.

I look forward to the day when we can meet one another in our true nakedness, stripped free of unresolved emotions, pain-induced projections, the distortions of duality. For too long we have been on opposite sides of the river, the bridge between our hearts washed away by a flood of pain. But the time has come to construct a new bridge, one that comes into being with each step we take, one that is fortified with benevolent intentions and authentic self-revealing. As we walk toward one another, our emotional armour falls to the ground, transforming into the light at its source. And when we are ready, we walk right into the Godself at the centre of the bridge, puzzled that we ever imagined ourselves separate.

May you feel the presence of the Divine Mother close at heart, inviting you to rest deeply on the tender shores of your own essence, nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have protected. Those who have received your blessings may not always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us, growing us stronger and infusing us with love’s light. Rest dear warrior, rest. I hold your heart safe.

© Jeff Brown, 2011 (Author of ‘Soulshaping- A Journey of Self-Creation’;

*’Apologies to the Sacred Masculine’ is the second in this apology series. The first piece ‘Apologies to the Divine Feminine (from a warrior- in-transition)’ can be read at

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Comment from oriah myriah
Time March 27, 2011 at 11:21 pm

you are One Amazing Soul ~ love ~ pure heartbridge…

Comment from oriah myriah
Time March 27, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Comment from Philip S. Knight
Time March 28, 2011 at 1:45 am

Way to go brother J :o) It’s about time someone wrote that from “our” side of the half of humanity” too.

Figured I’d add my my shorter quasi-poem/prayer thing that you’ve already read that may also be part of the whole unfolding tapestry of “the future of love” (term and book title by Daphne Rose Kingma). One more star within the overall constellation of the awakening Masculine.

You’ve corralled more than one star in your scribal tapestry here :o)

All the best,

~ Philip

“As a Man” —

Comment from Faiza
Time March 28, 2011 at 4:18 am

This resonates so deeply in my soul! Thank you Jeff!
I recognise myself in what you articulate here and my soul has been opened to pass on this apology to those warriors in transition in my life, but also to those who have not quite recognised that they need to redefine themselves.

Comment from Haroun Kola
Time March 28, 2011 at 5:12 am

This is a powerful article Jeff, the sacred goddess and gods have lots to be in need of forgiveness from the other and with a conscious way of engaging with each other, we can move into a new age of compassionate unity.

we is the new me 🙂

Comment from Mark Trevis
Time March 28, 2011 at 10:19 am

Hi Jeff:
Great message!!
I feel that it will affect a very specific portion of the “people”, the “men”, in the general populace but miss the target on most of the others. If our focus is to “leave no one behind” in the transformation that we as a people are going through, then, I feel that the language we use must encompass all that need to hear our hearts speak. Will the person on the street relate to these words?? If you feel they will, then, fantastic. It is something I ask myself whenever I write anything. Who is it I am writing for? Who is going to “hear” the words??
I deeply appreciate what you have to offer and what you feel in your heart!!

Comment from Courtney A. Walsh
Time March 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

And next:
Divine Invitation to the Integrated Sacred Union. :~))))

Comment from suhela
Time March 28, 2011 at 3:34 pm

<3 and thank you's for writing that … on my behalf … <3 S

Comment from Lydia Stec
Time March 28, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Awesome Jeff! I have sent this to my husband. Also, my husband is one of those amazing guys who challenges his male friends in their social conditioning. Your apology to the Divine Feminine reminded me of things he has said to his male friends. He teaches CLE classes to lawyers called “Likeable Lawyer”. He too is a lawyer who is no longer practicing law…Thank you for this…

Comment from Kimberley Lovell
Time March 29, 2011 at 3:21 am

Oh Sweet Heart that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing x

Comment from dana sheridand
Time March 29, 2011 at 9:48 am

couldn’t have said it better… try <3

Comment from dana sheridan
Time March 29, 2011 at 9:50 am

couldn’t have said it better, but I’ll try…

Comment from Beth
Time March 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

As Devine Feminine, I apologize to you!

Comment from Christy
Time March 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

I DID write that letter, my precious warrior! And I meant every word! You must have downloaded it from the ethers of my love! Blessings on you and your house! Christy

Comment from Mindy
Time March 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Fantastic. You are a visionary. I feel as though you are leading us out of the fog. Will we listen, though?

Comment from Cathy Hill Cook
Time March 29, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Strength is the veins of “THE KNOWING” when, where, how, what, and there is my why, I have missed our connection “J” in your bless in’s now evolve in such a transition in which elate the grandmother drum in which beats the heart of morher earth, Healing ones Waters, (the Blood) pumping and sharing the spirit of the split soul, as one evolves into Shamanism, what the hunter hunts, the hunter shall be hunted. and you my friend have a mighty fine “FOOD FOR THOUGHTSOULNESS” with in and in al`ways forever and a day, Love in Light, Bridging Wisdom, BrightlightsPathfinders, Cathy Hill Cook
as you have spoken with bridging wisdom one wisdom spoke at a time, in humble abide, I speak for “THE KNOWING’ in forgiveness accepted, GBU

Comment from Patricia
Time March 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

When you first published the apology to sacred feminine, the firs response I saw to it was an apology offered by some really insulting “womb worshippers” who took it upon themselves to apologize on behalf of all of us in ways that truly insulted me. I thank you for this apology, which is indeed what I would choose to say. except I would add how grateful I am that you offered your life many times to defend me and my children in war, though not of my making, indeed you sacrificed even your life at times.

Comment from Julia Ardón
Time March 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

muy conmovida, desde Costa Rica mi abrazo…muy emocionado, lleno de amor. Full of love.

Comment from Andria
Time March 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Thank you for this beautiful message…

Comment from Lorelei
Time March 30, 2011 at 7:11 pm

You are a visionary and hopefully bringing about change to both men and women. Thank you for you depth and insight. I hope people are listening…..

Comment from Tom Margrave
Time April 3, 2011 at 10:59 pm

I wept as I read this. I didn’t realize how much pain I continue to carry from so many years of not being seen for the conscious contributions and service to Divine Feminine that I have made. It would be so wonderful to hear this from any woman in my life. Thank you for giving voice to what I know the Divine Feminine within me wants to say to my Divine Masculine. Thank you for channeling such a harmonious blending of both.

Comment from Janelle Thomas
Time April 14, 2011 at 10:59 am

I see you, I hear you, I honor you, I love you.
Divine Feminine

Comment from Malcolm
Time April 19, 2011 at 12:54 am

WOW I am still digesting it all. I do want to send it to all my friends male and female.
as Iwas typing this I felt the oness.

Comment from Stella
Time April 20, 2011 at 1:03 am

Thank you Jeff i had to wipe the tears off my eyes as i was reading. I never had the opportunity to say thank you to my warrior for teaching me unconditional love and how grateful i am to be able to feel it. It’s almost a year since he is gone but i can feel his presence i am sure he can hear me saying it now.

Comment from Martin
Time April 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Those are words that have been wanting to manifest for a long time. What a liberation to feel them finally.

Comment from j
Time May 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

thank you i so needed to read that as a wounded divine woman – we have both done our share of wounding – now you have planted the seed that will help in the healing and we can work on reconnecting the bridge together -;- thank you brother from a divine sister

Comment from Vera
Time May 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm

very moving to read and take in– thank you for the vision of healing in the genders and the coming together of whole souls embracing beyond the pain and blaming projections. blessings,

Comment from Lisa
Time May 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Thank you Jeff, your writings are cracking open my heart, and I find myself in tears. I feel the need to deeply apologise to the Sacred Masculine, to the men who have shared my journey, to you, and to all who yearn to be ‘seen’, understood and loved. I’m sorry for not ‘seeing’ their truth, as of course I haven’t ‘seen’ mine….and my heart yearns for the healing of both feminine and masculine, to excavate and heal our wounds, and find the place within where love never left us. Namaste xx

Comment from Chavanai
Time May 13, 2011 at 6:39 am

Thank you brother for those words that came to me as if they were adressed by the Holly Feminine side (which i’m certain that’s where it comes from really). Felt good to read it… My brighter blessings for the heart that connects us all…

Pingback from genre féminin et masculin
Time May 13, 2011 at 9:17 am

[…] femmes.Jeff : J’ai écrit un autre texte intitulé “Lettre d’excuses au masculin sacré” (texte existant en langue anglaise) qui tente de construire un pont au-dessus du […]

Pingback from genre féminin et masculin
Time May 13, 2011 at 1:28 pm

[…] femmes. Jeff : J’ai écrit un autre texte intitulé “Lettre d’excuses au masculin sacré” (texte existant en langue anglaise) qui tente de construire un pont au-dessus du […]

Comment from tanya
Time June 20, 2011 at 6:44 am

i would like you to receive this letter you have written back.

Comment from rhona
Time September 20, 2011 at 9:49 pm

you are steps ahead of us. do wait up.

Comment from Shawna Marie
Time September 20, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Wow…that was such an incredible and emotional experience for me…thank you for your talent with painting an intense picure with words and for being brave, so very brave to share that.
Love and light

Comment from Jenn Gildred, MA, ATR
Time September 21, 2011 at 2:35 am

I loved reading this the first time, the second time, and even the third time, Jeff. May I share this part below on fb?

“We are each here to participate in this dance of sacred imagination, stepping on each other’s toes and turning each other toward God one clumsy step after another. We trip, and then we get back up with greater awareness. With this in heart, I am hopeful that we can learn to accept one another in our humanness. We are going to continue to make mistakes, but there is grace in that if we see our errors through to the lessons they contain.”

It’s all juicy goodness, but this bit is speaking to me right now.

Thank you for opening your soulful heart to the world,

Comment from Holly Hagen
Time September 21, 2011 at 8:27 am

Thank you Jeff, this is the letter I wish my mother could have sent to my father.

Comment from Anne-Marie Clulow
Time January 13, 2012 at 10:25 am

This piece has shown me so much about the deep illusions I am so reluctant to release.
I was waiting for the apology first.
I had seen myself so wronged, projected so much, and even when I caught myself doing it, was conscious of it, was still addicted to the pain, the drama.
Even being conscious, even waking up is not enough sometimes to effect the change.
What this piece has revealed about my own pain, and the understandings of why it is even there is enormous.

Wow. Always things reveal to you exactly when you are ready to see them.
All ways.

Comment from Jeanne
Time September 16, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I apologize for pushing you to open your heart when you weren’t ready. I longed to be met in my openness, and I couldn’t bear the disconnect between us. I am nourished by direct communication, and I took your silence personally………

I have been so guilty of this related to the men who have come into my life. This is a challenging one for me to let go of… I will work on it from my heart and not my ego.

Time March 15, 2013 at 8:28 am

[…] © Jeff Brown, 2011 (Author of ‘Soulshaping- A Journey of Self-Creation’; […]

Pingback from When Your Sine/Cos/Tan-line Is Showing | Passionate and easily distrac-
Time February 1, 2015 at 1:44 am

[…] I wish I was big enough to say the things that I want to say in a calm and rational manner. But I can’t, because sometimes people can only handle being […]

Comment from Fla
Time April 20, 2015 at 4:45 pm

Reading this brought me much understanding as well as a few tears, thank you for writing it. These are my words to the sacred masculine too.

Comment from Kirsty
Time May 22, 2015 at 9:24 am

Just so much gratitude. I have to admit, I think I needed the apology to the feminine first… So much respect to you for offering it. It is opening the space for me to take the masculine into my heart again. So grateful. Immensely xx


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